Control

I use to think that I had complete control of my life. I had a picture in my mind of what my world was to look like. I had a white picket fence with a perfect husband and perfect children pets and all. 1+1=2

If we do everything perfect according to the Bible I would yield a perfect life. I know that I am not the only one with this belief.

One thing I did not account for was the fact that I lived in a imperfect world with broken people. I was quiet naive and did not know the depth of broken in adults from early childhood trauma. One assault will mark an individual for a lifetime if left covered. His broken(my husband) my broken, created a world of uncertainty.

Coping skills, I had none. My only scope for life was to be happy and live happily ever after. I was just trying to keep my world from falling apart. Unfortunately, as I surrendered to the fact that I was losing control of my world, my perfect family, there was little help out there for us. Help only comes when both parties are willing to do their own healing. Often one is crying out for help while the other is hiding bound by shame. I didn’t understand the battle inside myself let alone my husband. What started out as a holy union became a divided house.

Eventually I came to the understanding that I could only help myself and I was powerless over the will and choice of another human being. As my children grew into young adults I quickly figured out they would have to make mistakes just like the rest of us. I relinquished control of everyone of my children as I feared that I would go nuts considering I had six so close together. As they grew older I gave them to the God of the universe. The great I Am.. The Savior, their Savior. I surrendered control that was driven out of fear of them failing. Failing is all apart of our growth.

As I surrendered I was able to breathe. Control is heavy. Surrender produces freedom. Once you experience this freedom you desire more!

35 years I have been on what I often refer to as “Toads Wild Ride”. Life is an adventure to be lived and I feel that I have made it out of the wilderness and I’m entering my promised land. I’ve learned to surrender control to the Creator who has my back. My gosh look around at all the beauty of creation and how it all is perfectly orchestrated. I’m pretty sure I can trust Him with my life and the life of my loved ones.

I want to help you find your worth and value. Life can smash us down and cover us with negative oppressive thoughts about ourselves and the world around us. Truth will open up the broken areas of your life and refresh your soul. Like pulling open the curtains and opening the windows. Nothing like freedom. If you are desiring to live free I hope you will reach out and let me help you to see things from a fresh life giving perspective as you relinquish control. Little by little is all that is required.